I am so disgusted with Helen Mirren. Her comments about date rape being not a matter for the courts, but "subtle negotiations" (the way the Independent put it) between men and women...The idea being that if a woman goes back to a man's flat, she's not going for a cup of tea, thus should take responsibility for that action (this is paraphrasing conservative MP Ann Widdicome).

Done!!! AHHH!!

Passed it in a couple of hours ago, and it's a wonder. I'm pleased with it. I'm exahusted, now that the euphoria is starting to wane, I'm just tired. Two gin on a near empty stomach didn't help either.

It was painless compared to my undergrad thesis. In fact, it was easy. I don't know what that says about me, my growth, and the difference between my undergrad and post grad experience, but rather a lot I figure.

I can do fun things guilt free now! Wow!

*Dances*

I'm done!!!

Mostly. I've sent the diss to my proof readers - mum and a friend. Mum's good, but friend is editor, and will generally undestand the context a bit i think. I still haven't decided to write an introduction. I think if i do, i'll probably only be 500 words max. If i wake up tonight I'll do it. Tomorrow morning is all about the re-read, for the last time, so i don't know.

IT's not bad. There are sections I can see that are proabably a little weak, but nothing truly awful so I guess that's somethign to be proud of. And nearly anxiety free. I'm so impressed with myself. Maybe I can do the phd. Once i have money.

This week will be interesting. Sorting out a new passport, how that will effect the visa i need to get not only replaced now, but changed, a NIS number, and employment. And if i'm totally fucked, my plans for returning to Canada. but I don't think it'll come to that. Not this early. Dad's funny, whenever I talk about staying here, he's quite keen for me to do so - for one year. One year. Never longer than that. haha. Oh my.

There are Christian Romance Novels. *boggles*

I did know about this, of course, as a couple girls in high school used to read them. But I forgot about them.

I'm going to move now. The paper is just about done. Last fixes this evening, and reading it aloud to myself to find mistakes. The it's off to my mum and my recruited proofreader. Yay! So low stress compared to the undergrad one. And to think, if I had had my act together, I probably could have passed it in earlier. Bizarre.

You know what's hateful? When Microsoft Word condescends to tell me that the word I'm using is the wrong one. Thank you, I understand not only the difference between literal and liberal, further and farther, and moreover, I know how to use them.

There should be a ticky box under tools labelled "Do you have command of the English Language?"

Christ.

Which is and isn’t true. Yesterday afternoon I was talking to a friend on MSN about what my topic is about and stuff, and I got ridiculously excited and was telling him all about it, but...I think residence really doesn’t help. It’s suffocating. I’ve also grown accustomed to living and working in a certain way and this really isn’t it.

Which leads me back to my hoping to get the aforementioned job. It’s with gov’t, and while that could be slightly worrisome, if I do it well it means I’ll probably have good security. It’s also where I want to live. If and when I return to Canada I want to be in Newfoundland, particularly St. John’s. I love it there. I really like the UK and could stay here forever, or near to, but I love NF. I have no desire to move west, either. BC would be interesting, and I could imagine myself there, probably, but   I’d be twice as far as I am now to NF, and there’s nothing that draws me there. I probably know more people in Alberta than anywhere else in the world, but again. Nothing about it captures my imagination, which is the problem. And you can scratch the rest of the country too, for the most part. Montreal is of course, Montreal, but I don’t have any idea of what could bring me there. Ottawa  could work....but in the sense that’s the only place in Ontario where I could see myself. I probably sound ridiculous, but there we go – I want to live someplace where the buildings and roads are not all shiny and new but have a sense of lived lives.

Last fall in London I met an aspiring actress, friend of a friend of a friend, who like myself, loves vintage. She was a nice girl, but did say one unfortunate thing about her vintage clothes – that she likes imagining the lives the people who wore them had.

In a way this is morbid and bizarre. Yet at the same time it’s a connection, an open door to a rich fantasy world where exciting things happen to interesting people wearing mink stoles and full circle skirts. I do the same, but with buildings. I'm not really possibly happy unless something is better than 50 years old.

My fantasy world now has me getting the job at home, taking my last week or whatever before having to report to work to visit London again, take the train to France, maybe even go on to Greece if I had the time, then moving to St.J’s. Once there I can have evenings and weekends to go out with friends, to sit downtown in cafes to pretentiously read and write. Time to think, time to sit peacefully and not feel guilty and lethargic about it, time to just be. It’s all terribly exciting. But as we all know, it’s easier to build castles in the air than upon the ground.

Ted and Binky, the two rabbits that live in the field between me and the kettle, show up every afternoon, and vanish just as it’s getting dark. Today, Binky (who is generally the one nearer to the building), was munching grass facing the glass corridor through which I observe them, and he either is preventing aliens from reading his mind, or is taking part in a scientific project. He had a little silver hat between his ears.

The road at home seems to be falling apart. “A crack 100ft  long” is on the Trans Canada Highway...luckily it’s in a position where they can detour the road. Unfortunately, with roads being so scarce at home, the detour is 3 hours long.  I finished my CV cover letter. Tomorrow afternoon I’ll bring it over to the careers centre, and then email it after. I’m so hopeful. I know, hope for the best but expect the worst,  but.......it would be so awesome.